Friday, August 30, 2013


Some of the quotes I've collected, posted, & pinned over the past several months...

"There is an instinct in a woman to love most her own child - and an instinct to make any child who needs her love, her own." ~ Robert Brault  ***This is easily one of my new favorites!! Anyone who knows me, will understand completely :) ***

"Every day ask yourself, 'What would I do today if I were a better person?'" ~ Robert Brault

"What we find in a soulmate is not something wild to tame, but something wild to run with." ~ Robert Brault

"It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad."
~ C. S. Lewis

"What I wanted most for my daughter was that she be able to soar confidently in her own sky, whatever that may be." ~ Helen Claes

"To know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - that is to have succeeded." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it." ~ Margaret Thatcher

"Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me." ~ Al Capone

"Rejection is God's way of saying 'Wrong Direction'." ~ Unknown

"To be in your children's memories tomorrow, you need to be in their lives today." ~ Unknown

"One day you're 17 and you're planning for someday. And then quietly, without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And then someday is yesterday. And this is your life." ~ Unknown

"I just think you should know that out of all, in all the world, you have my most favorite face." ~ Tyler Knott Gregson

"Sometimes your only available transportation is a leap of faith." ~ Margaret Shepard

"In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you." ~ Buddha

"A Promise For My Daughter"

"A Promise For My Daughter" was written by Lisa-Jo Baker and posted on her website here. It is one of the most beautifully written pieces about being a mom that I've read in many years. (I don't know Ms. Baker personally, but her website is full of lots of encouraging writing about being a real mom in the real world.) 

With thanks to my own mom, who I can depend on to "always come" & to my LiviGirl, who knows that no matter what "I will always come"...

"A Promise For My Daughter"
Lisa-Jo Baker
I’m tired and she’s tired. And she’s been weeping with frustration, her face a smudge of red cheeks and snotty trails.

I go down on my knees beside her little, chubby legs. They’re curving over the edge of her green froggy potty stool and she is glaring hot blue eyes into my face. I reach for her and she swats at me and doesn’t want the comfort I know she wants.

I gently take her hands and pull her up. Her tender self all frustration and sweat and nakedness melting into me. I cup her with my arms and my words and slowly stroke those damp curls back from her cheeks.

I’ve got deadlines and to-do lists and no clue what to make for dinner. There is one quiet window before the boys come home and Pete has made it back early and we’re hoping for a snatched ten minute nap. But she’s inconsolable for reasons she can’t put into two-year-old words yet and I’m on my knees reaching for her.

I will always come, baby.

She’s in my arms and slowly beginning the ritual of stroking my right arm. Her curls are warm and sweaty and that pudgy baby cheek fits just under my chin.

I will always come.

I dance with her slowly – the rock and roll of motherhood – and I know this is a promise I can stake my life on.

I will always come.

When you forget your lunch. When you are sheep number 5 in the Christmas play. When you take up the recorder and bleat all the way through the Easter service. When you get that bad hair cut. When you think you want to be a beauty queen, when you swear off fashion altogether.

I will come.
When the mean girls make you want to shrivel inside your skin. When a teacher intimidates you. When you intimidate the teachers. When you think you can sing and try out for a musical, when you get laughed at and people point fingers at your hair and your shoes and your too bony hips.

My darling, I will come.
When that boy breaks your heart and you’re stranded at a college miles away, I will come. When the internship you thought was part of your calling falls through. When a friend gets sick. When the car crashes. When you have more long distance charges than you thought possible. When you run out of gas, chocolate chip cookies and faith.

I will be there.

When you say your “I dos,” when you you start your happily ever afters, when none of it quite feels like you thought it would. When you don’t know how to pick a mattress, when the sofa is in the wrong place, when you regret what feels like signing your life away to someone else. When you keep on keeping on. When you remember how to say sorry. When you need a safe place to say how cliche you feel all “barefoot and pregnant” I will so be there.

When the baby won’t sleep and the world’s on fire with sleep exhaustion.

Sweetheart, I will come.

When your husband’s out of work. When you’re down to one car and have moved in with his in-laws. When your job threatens to break your heart. When toddlers make you question your sanity. When you realize that you’ve made the worst mistake a woman can make. When you’ve run out of tears and still the tears keeping coming.

I will come.

When you move and move and relocate again. When you pack boxes and dreams and hope. When your life is a world of duct tape and questions. I will still come.

And when your home is warm and your heart is full. When you’re at peace. When you need someone to share the joy, to watch the kids, to admire the dimples. When you want to remember that old recipe for melktert, when you still can’t pick a sofa, when you wish you’d never said yes to the dog.

When you don’t know where you’re going. When you’re the most sure of yourself you’ve ever been. When you’re holding onto faith with just your fingernails. When you’re singing, “Jesus loves me this I know” and you mean it with every tiny, beautiful, miraculous part of your DNA -

Zoe, always I will come. One hundred different ways I will come when you call.

I will rock and roll you with my love and the promise that I will help you get back on your feet. I will hold your hand. I will rejoice. I will babysit. I will pass the tissues. I will wash the dishes.

I will come.



And the day after. And after.

And then some.

'Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see just you all day and now the day was complete." ~ Marcy DeMaree

Tonight I'm awake while the rest of the house is asleep; nothing new since I've officially entered the world of being a "night-shifter".  There's a lot on my mind that I can't even begin to put to words right now. August has turned into one of the most trying months of my life and I wish I could say that Sept. was looking better, but I'm currently wandering in a tunnel that, while I'm certain it has a light at the end of it, I presently can't see it. 

Tonight, among many other things, I'm thinking about my grandparents. I am so fortunate that several times a week, my Grandma calls me or I stop by to see her. She thinks I'm checking in on her. She thinks I take time "out of my busy schedule for her".  Crazily, she acts like it's a favor to her for me to stop by. She just can't see how much I truly love being with her.  She has no idea that she heals my soul & soothes the aches of everyday life. With her, I can let down my guard; be real. I am safe. I am loved. If life would leave me alone, I'd spend every day visiting with her. 

And, as usual, when it feels like I'm wandering aimlessly through the tunnel of life, I think about my Granny & my Papaw....and I miss them. 

My Granny (my great-grandma) passed away over 20 years ago.  She didn't get to see me as an adult.  She never got to meet LiviGirl. Both things that I hate.  I wish that she'd been around when I was in my 20s.  I wish that she'd met Livi & that Livi could have met her.  

My Papaw has been gone over 10 years. He did see me as an adult, albeit not a very successful or settled one.  And he did see LiviGirl. Both things that I am grateful for & both of which I wish could have lasted a lot longer.  

Related to me from opposite parents, Granny & my Papaw were very different people.  Granny was wiry & outspoken & maybe even a little snarky at times. She was perfectly fine with ice cream for supper & staying up too late was completely appropriate if you had company & a good TV show to watch :) Haha!  Papaw was quiet, gentle, soft-spoken & the most patient person I've ever met.  Being in his presence brought a gentle peace over you.  He believed in routine rules, & the inherent good in others. Each of them brought something completely different to my life.  

I miss them both something terrible.  

Days go by & I function & I try to live life to the fullest.  But deep down, I can't help but wonder what would they think of me today.  Am I the kind of parent to Liv that they'd be proud of?  Am I the kind of woman they would be happy to point out in a crowd & say "That's my Granddaughter."? I would give almost anything to sit quietly beside my Papaw for even 5 more minutes or to get 5 minutes to trade wit with my Granny. 

And so, I've come to realize that missing them will never go away.  It quietens with day to day life. Then I'll run into a little elderly man that reminds me of my Papaw or an episode of "Golden Girls" will come on late at night & remind me of watching with my Granny or I'll bite into a fresh tomato out of the garden & think of Papaw or sometimes I'll even catch a spontaneous whiff of my Granny's perfume...and in that moment my heart aches with wanting to see them, hug them, just be with them one more time....

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Being A Mom....

Being a mom has given me stretch marks, 
gray hairs, 
and wrinkles.
I've cried countless tears, 
lost more hours of sleep than I could ever count 
and worried more than I thought was ever imaginable. 
being a mom has also given me more joy & happiness than anything in this world could give me 
It's given me more laughs 
and smiles than I thought was even possible
Even in the depths of my darkest hours
a simple giggle or grin from my LiviGirl 
or even just the sound of her voice can reach through to my soul 
and change my mood completely  
She is everything I ever wanted, 
but didn't know to wish for. 
She's my sunshine, 
my inspiration 
and my purpose in this life
I'm forever thankful that I get to be her "mom" in this life. 
I love you, LiviGirl. 

A few of my favorite "mom" quotes: 

"What I wanted most for my daughter was that she be able to soar confidently in her own sky, whatever that may be." ~ Helen Claes

"Motherhood is a choice you make everyday, to put someone else's happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when you're not sure what the right thing is...and to forgive yourself, over and over again, for doing everything wrong.” ~ Donna Ball

"Once you become the mommy or daddy in your child's world, it is the only world in which you exist, no matter how much you fancy there is a separate world of your own." ~ Robert Brault

"The trouble that finds me and not my child has taken the decoy." ~ Robert Brault

Friday, April 26, 2013

“I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough..”  ― Nicholas Sparks