Sunday, October 18, 2015

Updates

Looks like it's been over 2 years since I was last here posting thoughts and ramblings. So much has happened in those 2 years...I read back over some of the things I've posted on here in the past and that woman is a stranger to me. Many of the people who made up her world are now gone in some fashion or another. That woman was hopeful...and naïve.

Writing has always been therapy for me. I've always said I'd like to write a book some day, but I'm not sure anyone would want to read the ramblings of a middle aged woman. Ha! As a teen, I turned to writing a lot. Collected quotes and poems that meant something to me. Always amazed at how some one could put into a few words what I couldn't find the words to say. Now, I find myself doing the same thing. Writing random ramblings that help me focus my thoughts and say the things I can't say out loud right now.

Having said that, I was thinking about this blog the other day. How I use to love to keep up with it. Share on it. For me, more so than for anyone else, but still something that I enjoyed. So I've decided to get back on here. Write some things that might create laughter or tears, but that is just me. About me. For me.

For starters, let's do a quick update:

In 2014, I left my job at the local hospital and spent a couple months working in a nursing home before I moved into my current position working with young kids and prenatal moms through a type of early preschool program.

I also divorced my husband of nearly 17 years. While, not an easy decision, it was the right decision. My ex is weaved throughout this blog and my cooking blog. I have made the conscious choice to not remove the posts he's mentioned in for 2 reasons. 1) he is still the father of the most precious part of my life, my daughter Liv, and stories of him are her stories as well and I won't pretend that they aren't and 2) that was my life. Maybe it's not today, but it seemed wrong to delete stories and pretend nearly half my life wasn't spent with this man. We grew up and grew apart, but I don't hate him and I can't bring myself to pretend that the times we shared didn't exist. So if you dig back into the archives of this blog, you'll find stories of him & this is why.

Shortly after my ex moved out and I changed jobs, my grandma (who's mentioned often on here) passed away. That is a post for another time, but it goes without saying it was life changing and life shattering for me. No day since has been the same and I've accepted it never will be.

Jump ahead to the fall of this year....my best friend of several years walked out of my life. For all the years I'd know him, he'd been like family to me. I relied on him daily to help me keep my perspective on life and to lift my spirits when I was so broken I couldn't imagine going on.  I know he has reasons for his choices even though I don't fully understand them. When he left, my heart broke into a million tiny pieces and he carried many of those pieces away with him without even realizing it.  The wound is way too fresh for me to talk about on a blog post, but maybe some day I will be able to write about it in a way that helps me heal. The main point is, I miss my best friend every single day...even still.

Lots of life changes for me (& for Liv). She's growing up so fast. She's a licensed driver now (EEK!). She's smart and sassy and compassionate and kind. She's brave and strong and ambitious. She's fought battles people don't know or understand and every time life knocks her down she comes right back swinging. I admire the fire in her and I hope life never puts it out.

It goes without saying we've endured, lots of changes, lots of heartaches. I feel like the last year especially has been filled with so much sadness and heartache. I'm ready to find peace in my life again. Perhaps this is the therapy I need now....

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